A friend told me my apology letters were just excuses and it stung

Honestly, I used to write these long letters that started with 'I'm sorry you felt that way' and then listed all my reasons. A close friend read one I wrote to my sister and said, 'This isn't an apology, it's a defense speech. You're just explaining why you're not wrong.' That hit hard. I looked back at the last five drafts in my notes and she was totally right. Now I cut all the 'because' sentences and just say what I did wrong and that I regret it. It feels way more real, even if I never send them. Has anyone else had someone call them out on their apology style?

3 comments

3 Comments

gibson.avery13d ago

My ex used to do the "sorry you felt that way" thing and it drove me nuts. I see what @charlescraig means about dropping the excuses. It took our breakup for me to realize how empty those apologies were.

charlescraig13d ago

Cutting the 'because' sentences" is the real move.

jackson.faith13d ago

Yeah, that point from charlescraig hits home. Read a blog once about how "because" often just sets up an excuse. Like saying "I didn't finish the report because the meeting ran long." Cutting it forces you to own the statement. "I didn't finish the report." Sounds totally different, more direct. Makes you think about why you're really explaining yourself.