I finally apologized to my brother for not coming to his wedding

I had to pick between driving a load from Dallas to Chicago that paid $1800 or taking the weekend off to be at his wedding in Austin 3 years ago. I took the load because money was tight and told myself he'd understand. Turns out he didn't, and I wrote a letter last night saying I was sorry for putting cash over family. Has anyone else missed a big family thing for work and regretted it later?

4 comments

4 Comments

luna_wright1mo ago

The thing nobody is talking about is how your brother probably built up this whole story in his head over three years that you didn't care, and your letter just busted that wide open. That's actually really good though because now he has to deal with the real you instead of the villain he made you into in his mind. Missing that wedding sounds like it was about survival not about love, and your letter said that clear as day. My uncle missed my cousin's graduation for work and my aunt was furious for years until she realized he was working three jobs just to keep them housed. Sometimes the apology matters less than the understanding of why you did what you did in the first place. Your brother might just need time to let that sink in.

matthewdixon1mo ago

@the_linda hit on something there about feeling not important to him. But honestly I don't think you can separate the wedding from the feeling of being a priority. The wedding is the big moment where that stuff shows up. Missing it was the proof he had that he wasn't important to you.

the_mary1mo ago

Did you ever find out if he actually cared more about you missing the wedding or if it was about feeling like he wasn't a priority in your life for other reasons too?

the_linda1mo ago

Oh man, that is SUCH a good point @the_mary. I bet it was more about the feeling of not being important to her than the wedding itself. It's hard to untangle all those emotions after something like that.