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Just realized my unsent apology letter habit was making me worse at apologizing in person
I used to write these long, perfect apology letters to people I'd upset, then never send them. Felt like therapy, you know? But last month I got into a dumb fight with my neighbor Carol over a fence line and I sat down to write another letter. Typed up three paragraphs about how I was wrong and why I lashed out. Then I stopped. I realized I was using the letters to avoid the actual awkward conversation. So I took a deep breath, walked over to her place, and just said I was sorry face to face. Took like 90 seconds and she apologized too. The letters had been a crutch, not a solution. Has anyone else found that writing these out actually makes it harder to say it in real life?
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angela_harris3mo ago
I get what you're saying, but I gotta disagree with you on this one. You said "the letters had been a crutch, not a solution," and I think you're being too hard on yourself. Writing out an apology first lets you get your thoughts straight so you don't stumble over your words or say something stupid in the heat of the moment. For a lot of people, that practice actually builds up the courage to say it out loud later. If you never sent them, that's a problem, but writing them isn't the problem. It's like practicing a speech before you give it. You don't throw away the notes just because you can't read them on stage.
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charles_mitchell3mo ago
idk maybe writing them out just made you too good at apologizing on paper
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victorh813mo ago
My brother once wrote out apologies for three different girlfriends and mixed up the envelopes.
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