My best friend never got the apology she deserved from me

I still think about that night in Portland two years ago when I bailed on her birthday dinner because I was exhausted from three night shifts in a row. She planned everything for weeks and I texted her 30 minutes before with a lame excuse. I should have just told her the truth, that I was running on empty and messed up. Has anyone else ruined a friendship over something you could have fixed with a simple honest conversation?

3 comments

3 Comments

kelly.charlie1mo ago

yeah i heard this psychologist on a podcast once say that most friendship breakups aren't about the big dramatic stuff, they're about the small moments where someone just doesn't show up and then doubles down on the lie instead of admitting they dropped the ball. that stuck with me because it's so true. your friend probably would have understood if you just said "i'm wrecked from work, i can't do it tonight, i'm sorry" but the last minute excuse with no real explanation makes it feel like you didn't care enough to be honest. i think a lot of us do that thing where we think protecting someone from the truth is kinder but it just makes everything worse in the end. you can't ever really fix it after the fact either, you just gotta live with knowing you could have done better.

west.richard1mo ago

Started just telling people straight up when I was burnt out. Saved a lot of friendships.

wyatt_mitchell261mo ago

That whole idea about the small moments hits hard because it's usually not one big thing that ends things, it's a pile of little letdowns. The lie you tell to avoid a tough conversation just makes the other person feel like you didn't trust them enough to be real, which stings way worse than the cancellation itself. Once that trust gets chipped away from those small dishonesties, it's really tough to build it back up.