Overheard my brother tell his partner I "ruined every family dinner"

He was on the phone in the kitchen at Thanksgiving. Said I always bring up politics and make everyone uncomfortable. I thought I was just having conversations. Thing is, I was sober that day for the first time in years. I wasn't trying to argue, I was actually listening. Maybe I need to apologize for the old me, not who I am now. Has anyone else realized an apology is more about timing than the words?

2 comments

2 Comments

lilya769d ago

That line about timing really stuck with me because a friend of mine had this exact thing happen. She quit drinking two years ago and thought she was doing great, then her sister told her she was still "too much" at holidays. Turns out her sister was still mad about the time she got drunk at Christmas and told their mom she was a bad cook. My friend had to apologize for that specific moment, not for who she is now. It hurt like hell but she did it, said "I'm sorry I said that thing about the turkey, I was a mess." You might need to find that one concrete thing your brother holds onto and apologize for just that.

piperbailey9d ago

Had a buddy who went through almost this exact thing. He got sober and thought he was doing everything right, quiet and polite at family stuff. Then his mom pulls him aside and says his sister still cries every time she thinks about him ruining her engagement party three years ago. He didn't even remember what he said that night. He had to go find that specific memory, call his sister, and say "I am so sorry I made that stupid joke about your ring being too small, I was drunk and I was an idiot." It sucked but she actually hugged him after. Sometimes you gotta dig up the old dirt even when you think you've buried it.