Unsure if I should apologize to my college roommate for that night, or if it would just make things weird again

My roommate back in 2019 at Iowa State said 'you never listen, you just wait to talk' during a fight over dishes, and the detail that still haunts me is the silence that followed for 3 whole minutes. I think I owe an apology but a part of me says they were just venting and it would be selfish to bring it up now. Anyone else ever sit on an apology for years not sure if sending it helps them or just clears your own conscience?

3 comments

3 Comments

matthewdixon1mo ago

Wait, THREE MINUTES of silence? That detail hit me hard. I honestly thought you were gonna say like 30 seconds or something. Three minutes is an eternity in a fight, especially in a dorm room where you're trapped together. That's the kind of quiet that sticks in your bones, not just your memory. I think you gotta send that apology, not for them but for that moment that's clearly still living in your head rent free. It's not selfish to want to clear the air when there's that much weight behind the memory.

wood.eric1mo ago

Tbh I think you're a little off though - 3 minutes of silence in a heated moment feels way shorter than that, not longer. When your blood is up time just flies different.

lindag331mo ago

Haven't you considered that sending this apology years later might actually be more about you wanting to feel better than anything they need? That person has probably moved on completely, built a whole new life since 2019, and dragging up that old dorm fight could just open a wound that's already healed. Besides, if they called you out for not listening, wouldn't apologizing now kinda prove their point since you're still turning their words around to be about your own guilt? Sometimes the kindest thing is to let sleeping dogs lie and learn from it instead of reaching out just to make yourself feel less haunted.

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