Why does nobody talk about how hard it is to apologize to someone who died suddenly

I found a statistic last week that really got me. According to a grief study I stumbled upon from the Mayo Clinic, about 1 in 4 people say their biggest regret is something they never said to someone before they passed. That hit me hard because my younger brother died in a car accident 3 years ago. We had a dumb argument over a borrowed fishing rod the week before. I was so sure I was right about him being careless with my stuff. Now I can't even give it back to him or say I was wrong. I just sit with that rod in my garage and it's got this weird power over me. Has anyone else ever been stuck with something similar - an object that reminds you of a fight you never got to make right?

3 comments

3 Comments

the_claire4d ago

Does that rod ever feel like it's got more weight to it than it should? I get that completely. I've got my dad's old watch in a drawer, not because it was valuable but because we had this stupid fight the night he died over me borrowing it without asking. He was upset I didn't respect his stuff, and I stormed out angry. Now when I look at it, I don't see a watch, I see that last argument frozen in time. It's like the object becomes a way to hold onto the chance to say you're sorry, even though you know you can't actually do it anymore.

lindag334d ago

Keeping it in the drawer is just dragging out the guilt. That watch is a reminder of a bad moment, not a way to fix anything that's over and done with.

marywilson3d ago

Did you ever try writing a letter to him even though you can't send it? I did that with my mom's quilt and it helped me let go of the anger.