I finally stopped trying to 'fix' my friend's bad days

For years, when a friend seemed down, I'd put on a big smile and try to cheer them up with jokes or plans. It felt fake and never really worked. Last fall, I tried something different. I just sat with them, said 'This seems really hard,' and didn't try to make it better. That simple change, just letting the sad feeling be there, actually made our talks feel real. Has anyone else found that dropping the happy act leads to a better talk?

3 comments

3 Comments

allen.kai1d ago

How did it take me so long to learn this? I used to do the same thing, rushing in with a pep talk that just felt like noise. Now I just say something like "Man, that sucks" and let the quiet sit there. It's like the pressure to be okay just vanishes.

matthewdixon1d ago

Totally get it. Used to think I had to solve everything too, but @allen.kai is right about the pressure just going away when you stop trying.

dakotab931d ago

My sister told me last week she just needed to vent, not get advice. I listened for twenty minutes, then asked what her next move was. She said talking it out gave her the answer. Sometimes the fix is just helping them find their own way out.