I used to roll my eyes at people who said therapy was a game-changer... then I broke down in session 4

I spent like 3 years telling myself I was fine, just tired or stressed from work. Everyone around me thought I was the chill, happy guy who always had a joke ready. But last fall, after a panic attack in the Target parking lot near my place in Portland, I finally caved and booked an appointment. By the fourth session, my therapist asked one simple question about why I always deflect with humor and I just... lost it. Cried for 20 minutes straight, couldn't even talk. That's when I realized I'd been hiding this heavy layer of anxiety behind every smile and laugh for way too long. Now I'm actually trying to be real with people instead of performing happiness, but it's awkward and I keep catching myself. Has anyone else felt like the mask itself became a habit you had to unlearn?

3 comments

3 Comments

torres.thea6d ago

Maybe it's just me but sometimes the mask is how we survive not something that needs fixing.

reed.elliot5d ago

But too much authenticity gets you fired or cut off, so the mask is pretty much mandatory in most situations.

susanb345d ago

@torres.thea makes a really good point about the mask being survival. For a lot of us, that cheerful persona kept things from falling apart at work and with family. But I think there is a difference between using the mask as a tool and wearing it so long you forget what your real face looks like. When every laugh starts feeling like a performance and you can't even tell when you genuinely find something funny, that's when the mask starts working against you. It's less about fixing the mask and more about learning when it's okay to let it down.